I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
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I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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