To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
