I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
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Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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