i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I want her autograph on my taint
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
