textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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