I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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