In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
