Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
