Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.