I wanna passion pit in your ass
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
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Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.