But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.