I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.