Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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