sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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