It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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