Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Mom said you looked used
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize