her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
