Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
