Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
