I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
