alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
