we have pet lesbian snakes
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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