i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
