Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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