Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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