he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My dick has a subreddit
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
