We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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