member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
