In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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