i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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