Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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