I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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