adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
