singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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