6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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