everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
