If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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