1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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