Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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