I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
