Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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