He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
