if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
