he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
