i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
