Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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