dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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