i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
soo... how was my night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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