burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
