Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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