my vag is so smooth its legendary
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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