worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
