I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
