sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
