You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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