3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
