her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
