You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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