no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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