I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
