Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
