when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.