i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.