During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?