he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
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Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.