i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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