That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
