I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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