I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
