He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
