totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
