I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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